Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
