Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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