you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
