none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize