My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
