Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
