I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
