You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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