Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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