Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
