Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
