I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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