I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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