you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
