chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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