He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
