I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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