Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was like eating out sand paper
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
