he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
