Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm at about main and main street
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
