just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
