dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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