I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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