Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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