farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
