Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
