eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
