Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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