You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
