Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
