He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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