i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
