This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
