OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to have your abortion
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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