He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
