I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
