He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
