I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
