Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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