i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
