im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
