Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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