Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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