it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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