I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
