So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
