he thought i was a dude.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
