My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
