Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
