if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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