i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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