From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
