just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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