She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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