The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
