we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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