Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
