I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
