my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
