what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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