I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
