Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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