Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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