hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Mom said you looked used
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize