Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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