Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
